|[||ah so tht's wht its called...
|[||Y is this stuck in my head?
yea i havent updated in along time... well i got to meet sean's parents finally and i was very happy about it. his mom is sweet and he definately gets his sarcasism(spelling?) from his dad. but they are both kool and i think they like me 2. i know his mom does but i wont write y.
also, its one month 2day for me and sean and we went to the movies and he bought me my birthday gift and gave it to me as an early b-day gift. then we came bak and played some pool, he won bc i sux @ it. then he left and i went to help out at the vfw dinner for the families of soldiers ova seas. but of course it only lead to family problems with my stepdad and reprecutions(spelling?) for my mom..(basically i feel im gonna have a repeat of the summer soon during this winter.not good) then luckily sean called me and said " we're going bowling" he brought gerald, kaila, me, and kyle to go bowling. it was alot of fun.. alot of funny as shit moments with the boys and the dancing. it would be great if it could happen again, i just wasnt superly happy bc of the previous event @ home, but i tryed to be in a good mood and it really did help. and god damn it gerald i almost one and it was like my highest score ever w/ bowling. i had 135 and gerald had 138. :~( oh well:~) it was still a blast..
here's just an im i had w/ a friend which also explains how ive been feeling lately...
naivegrl4yrs: todays been a good morning-afternoon but from 5-8 it was hell, then again it got a lil better. thanz 2 sean
KitterKatsMeow: why was it hell?
naivegrl4yrs: cuz 2day is sean and mine's 1month so we went out in the morning and he got me my early b-day gift, but then i got home parents started drinking, and huge ass fight w/ stepdad till he passed out then trying to cheer up mom, then finally sean called which got me out of the house and it brightened me up alil bit
KitterKatsMeow: awww too cute.... :-)
naivegrl4yrs: yea im totally head over heels for him n he knows it, but he has one lil flaw that im trying to get him 2 work on
KitterKatsMeow: whats that?
naivegrl4yrs: his "joking" habit of making lil comments like when hes over, "shh..go to sleep.. then he like does the fake quick run! " like trying 2 run away type thing. just lil comments similar 2 that where it makes me feel like the fine go away depresed sad. i dunno its hard to explain in typing
KitterKatsMeow: i know exactly what you are talking about
KitterKatsMeow: i have been there before
KitterKatsMeow is away at 12:39:46 AM.
naivegrl4yrs: i know hes joking and im trying to explain 2 him that it really hurts and he can see it cuz sometimes i like wanna cry.. ive had soo much like i guess the word close to what i mean is putdowns in my life from my own family and it hurts when he says them bc im really happy when im with him, suprisingly lately its mainly the only time im happy. when hes around me and like just puts his arm around me i feel like i have no problems, tht my life is perfect, no fights, just plain and simple bliss.. untill he makes a comment.. he is getting a lil bit better because i explained it very well to him like last wknd when he was visiting me @ college. i was crying and he was there comforting me and he seemed to finally understand my feelings. he hasnt really said much of those comments yet, and like the winter and summer are always my hard months w/ my family and he probably doesnt know it yet, but he is helping me with the lil things
Auto response from KitterKatsMeow: Be back in a few... nichole stay on and Fred I love u
KitterKatsMeow returned at 12:44:03 AM.
KitterKatsMeow: awww i know what u mean bye family problems and i am olny happy when i am with fred so i know where u are coming from... adn i am sure now that u have talked to sean he will be better about things he is an understanding guy
naivegrl4yrs: yea but i definately know its still a work in progress b/c i didnt get a chance to explain much to him.. its kinda hard to tell him like a major part of my past that deals with my family bc he hasnt ever dealt with anything similar to it. his parents are still happily married together and with the kids. he doesnt have the alcholic srgt. for a stepdad, or the suicidal mom, or even being in the process of sueing your own father for sibling visitation rights , etc. etc.
KitterKatsMeow: well that seems like a mess and i thought i had it bad
naivegrl4yrs: yea ive dealt with it my whole life it just repeats.. but i get thru it and prepare for the next round... and the college thing sort-of helps but sorta doesnt. bc i have literally no self esteem left from ex-guys, and the family comments.. that im not 2 outgoing and im actually shy or just not doing 2 much cuz it all a defensive plan. but the major guy problem i had was low-faith in myself with how a guy would like me. the whole looks thing bc trust me ive been hurt by everyway possible
KitterKatsMeow: o fred says dont take it personal that he isnt saying hi back jsut he is play ever quest
naivegrl4yrs: lol i figured that.
naivegrl4yrs: i guess i can sorta thank jess b/c shes the reason i had the crying talk with sean
KitterKatsMeow: yeah its understandable where ur coming from and i am sure sean understands
naivegrl4yrs: but yea to conclude the long thing i typed be4, when im with sean i feel soo much better bc he gives me nice lil compliments which actually kinda help my self-esteem but it also adds just a lil fear b/c he makes the lil comments like who are u or wait we are dating thats news to me, or what typed be4 it hurts bc its like a reality check. since if he happens to up and leave me, i lose everything. the sweet caring guy who makes me feel like im walking around in like a single digit outfit that fits and not my like size 14/15 clothing i wear. i lose the the comforting hugs whn im upset, or just the "it'll be okay" whn i get done with the fights with my parents and feel like a total screw up or i might lose my mom- that lil phrase makes me feel like it never happened and that it actually will be ok
naivegrl4yrs: oh im probably gonna put this convo in my lj if u dont mind me using ur sn by doing that
KitterKatsMeow: thats ok.... i feel like giveing you a hug right now because i know how u feel or atleast i kinda do because i have been through some of that stuff in diffrent synarios but i know where you are coming from.
KitterKatsMeow: Sean is a good guy but he's the lucky one :-)
KitterKatsMeow: thats great!! and no problem
yea so i dont think i left anything out. so TNU <3! (till next update)