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wow [Dec. 17th, 2005|12:41 pm]
i havent been on here in almost a year! i think ill start updating it again though.. might as well idk. lol well im gonna go shower and head to work so byez!
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(no subject) [Feb. 12th, 2005|11:27 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |crushedugh!]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |crossfade-cold]

well yea def. too long sonce my last update but heyy i can sum everything up into 2 sents. me and sean are nomore, just best friends like be4...and i dk but im happy with it when im not around him, bc i get all like weird whn he gives me a hug now..

so yea theres an update 4 ya!
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(no subject) [Jan. 13th, 2005|08:52 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |thirstythirsty]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |ashanti~"only you"]

well! things are going great with me and sean! yay! lol its been 3 months today and still going strong:~) also, my heart hasnt been acting up right now cuz im trying not to let things get to me and the one problem i was having earlier with ppl and sean was discussed and they all forgive me for it thank you all! well i just wanted to update to let some ppl kno im still here and ill be updating more soon cuz ill be back @ college.. well g2g <3

saw this in meg's journal...figured, why the hell not...

Leave me an ANONYMOUS comment with one or more:

_an insult
_a secret
_a criticism
_a crush
_a compliment
_a death threat
_a love note
_a song
_a picture
_anything else you want.

Then paste this in your journal for the fun to begin.
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lets be like everyone else... [Jan. 13th, 2005|08:51 pm]

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
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(no subject) [Jan. 9th, 2005|12:25 am]
well its been a rough week with helping my with uso stuff to chilling with friends to having heart spasms and also the hospital visit.. well the doctor says its getting stronger but yet its beating slower does tht make sense for a heathly heart... i finally come to the conclusion tht my heart is a result from many things, my grandmom, my siblings, my DAD, and sean.. and at the rate things are going if something doesnt change things dont look good for me.. well im tired again so ttul...
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(no subject) [Jan. 3rd, 2005|11:07 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |coldlost and alone]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |simple plan~"welcome 2 my life"]

well ive begun to start losing it.. ive become lost, depressed, and alone... i feel these ways at least.. im having a blast chilling with kaila and a few other ppl.. but i feel like im losing my heart in soo many ways.. my family is still killing me and with each passing day it is really pulling me down. jessie and vicki saw me snapp at my sis sammi the other day on the way to the movies, bc my sis was bragging about how she just got like a hundred dollars from only like a wk from just my parents... and i barely get like 20 for movies and gas... oh well such is my life... and now sean is falling away from me... its complicated but these are 2 ims from 2 friends and i hope who ever reads this understands sorta whats happening cuz i really dont feel like typing it if i cant even really talk to sean about it right now...

Pimping Jersey: well I'm here for you but I really don't know that I can help. I'd talk to sean but we both know how private he is. and I'm not exactly the best person for love life advice, at least at the moment it seems
naivegrl4yrs: yea and i dont really need anyone 2 talk him, ill eventually do it, im just afaid if i do it might be the end...or rather he might end it...
Pimping Jersey: here's all I'm gonna say on it cuz I don't know anything else to tell you...
naivegrl4yrs: thanks all i need is a person who will listen 2 me while i cry thts seans job but i cant do it hes the person
Pimping Jersey: you need to think about what you want more, whether it's the idea of being with him a little while longer, however long that is yet feel shaky and iffy about it, not knowing what's gonna happen next and be worried about it and you two, or you can talk to him and it can work out great or it could work out terrible
naivegrl4yrs: thank u u have no idea how much this means rite now

naivegrl4yrs: and the secrets r hurting 2
lovelyxdeception: yeah
lovelyxdeception: i think kyle and sean are changing eachother for the worst
naivegrl4yrs: i feel like ive lost the friendship we had and im just his gurl now.. yea thts wht i was gonna say... i feel like hes acting more like them
naivegrl4yrs: and i dont kno how 2 approcach him about it..cuz i just have this weird feeling tht it might end us or rather he might end us
lovelyxdeception: yeah if hes starting to act like kyle expect the unexpected at every second
naivegrl4yrs: well i was talking to him on the phone and i was like i feel so lost and he was like ok and i was like ireally need to talk to like kaila about somethings and he was like wht i was like i really cant tell u right now he sounded a lil upset but i was able to end it with well u kno its just the basic gurl talk... and ur not a gurl so i cant say it to u right now ud probably would understand gurl lang. he was like glad u noticed...
naivegrl4yrs: thts all he said
naivegrl4yrs: im just afraid to talk to him cuz like i said he might take the kyle way and end it
naivegrl4yrs: hes turning more and more like them
lovelyxdeception: i kno
lovelyxdeception: kyle was so..perfect
naivegrl4yrs: ok so its not me
lovelyxdeception: maybe they are changing eachother
naivegrl4yrs: i dunno
naivegrl4yrs: and i wanted to talk to him to see if like he could chill for just like an hour 2morrow so i could use his support cuz today was my grandmom's bday and i didnt even get the chance since he was in his basement with bad signal so we kept breaking up and he was like this is getting irritating so why dont we talk another day i was crying by this point and was like ok ttul and as he was saying like ok ttul i just hung up
naivegrl4yrs: he couldnt even tell tht through most of the convo i was crying... he normally picks tht up really fast
lovelyxdeception: maybe he couldnt hear cause of bad signals
naivegrl4yrs: i dont kno if its me or him but i think one of us is starting 2 give up
naivegrl4yrs: thts wht im hoping
naivegrl4yrs: i just wish he knew how upset hes making me but i cant tell him cuz then he gets alil pissy like its alwayz me or maybe i should just stop talking... i wish i could make him see tht all i need is confidence from him about us and just how he feels like not just tht he likes me but does he need space?, does he want to spend time with mew just he doesnt kno wht to do, etc... i just need him to talk to me, but i kno its not going to happen
lovelyxdeception: i dunno
lovelyxdeception: i think u should sit him down and try to talk to him
naivegrl4yrs: i want to but im afraid to plus u kno him when i try its gonna be an ill pass i can guarentee it
lovelyxdeception: dont ask him , just start talking
naivegrl4yrs: but to get him in person thats the problem i want or rather need to see his face or experience his emotions in person not over the phone.. the phone takes the seriousnees out of it and hell just play it off

well so im just a lil lost on wht to do..i need help but i guess ill have to do this sooner or later.. thanks for the advice.. well this song really fits wht im feeling right now and i soo luv their music and luv this song i just wish i had the cd.. too poor oh well.. later...

Simple Plan~ "Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
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(no subject) [Dec. 29th, 2004|12:18 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |crushedahh!]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |Queen-"another one bites the dust"]

well the last 2 days have been a major rollercoaster ride for me... i got to see sean yesterday, a plus but then a down was i think i was close to breaking up with him... it wouldnt have happen but the fear was there... he just said something the wrong way and for my fears it is the worst thing he could have said to me.. but anywayz it has worked itself out and i forgive him since proved that no way in hell he would hurt me right now to...so i was still a lil sad but it doesnt help tht i couldnt sleep so i didnt get to bed till like 4..

then i was all set to go to the mall today cuz there was a big group going and i was gonna be happy for once without sean around... that easily crashlanded... it was gonna be kaila, lucy, michelle, vicki, and my sis.. i was gonna go shopping for like an outfit for fri.night :~) like i said tht crashlanded cuz i couldnt get a hold of kaila, lucy blew me off for her bf(this is enough the 2nd time and we are supposed to be bf4l) then michelle wanted to re-arrange her room, then my sis forgot she had a tornament game @ the school so vicki went with her.. so my day was instead spent with jess just chillin.. also a couple times the famous getting yeld at by mother and again i proved her wrong! i love getting blamed and yeld at to where i cry after they leave and then i end up being right.. but yet they never apoligize..

the night was just weird.. me and jess went to pick my sis up and then high tailed it to the movies to see "meet the fockers"(OMG! GREAT MOVIE!!!!)wel i called sean cuz i really needed a hug and a shoulder to cry on he was like u should have called earlier i was @ the mall be4 but now im home.. so oh well tht didnt happen and it got worse.. i almost cryed in the theater it was packed, and the 2 ppl i never wanted to see again had to sit right next to me.. they tryed to start shit, but lucky they went with my friend tim whos dating the one gurl lindsay and he was like give it a rest so he sat between me and lindsay... yea so its like 1230 and im sitting here typing in here cuz i need to get my thoughts off my chest

im not blaming anyone really im just blaming the fact tht things never turn out right for me and like sean he has which is scary cuz im afraid to lose him..

lyrics for today::

"There are plenty of ways that you can hurt a man
And bring him to the ground
You can beat him, you can cheat him
You can treat him bad, and leave him when he's down
But I'm ready, yes I'm ready for you
I'm standing on my own two feet
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
Repeating to the sound of the beat
Another one bites the dust, another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust yeah, Hey I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
Shoot out"
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(no subject) [Dec. 25th, 2004|07:00 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |discontentwishin upon a broken dream]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |U2-"Vertigo"]

well here's my update....

First off, ive been a lil irrated @ my self since i havent been going to the gym like i want too, but on the only good side of that i have lost 5 pounds this month from just eating healthy and very lil snacking.. so thats a good thing sorta i just need to do more.. my GOAL is right now to lose like 30 pounds by like feb. or march... hmm.. i think i can do it.. i did it last year, well it was more like only 20 but i want to push myself to go farther buy losing more and also working on strenghtening my knees... i think this will help plus i got a hold of the gym's train kylia and she said shed be more than happy to help me... great in a good and bad way... cuz its not a normal gym its a military one which means she is a BASIC trainer... as in a boot camp trainer or rather getting ppl prepared for boot camp and if you dont follow her rules ur kinda screwed!

well back to the xmas thing...

I spent friday with sean and my family cuz he went to my Uncle butchy's xmas eve dinner. It was fun bc the best part about the family saying they will be on their best behavior is that the trouble ppl just didnt show up.. so that was good but the day was even better just cuz sean was there.. the only problem was brittney my cuz.. he had an arguement w/ her mom and she stormed out of the house.. and then it caused my uncle to storm out after her..

then it was today xmas day...

i had gotten sean's gifts last night which were an irish teddy bear from build-a-bear(soo cute!!!), a blanket with jack sparrow from P.O.T.C. (SWEET!!) and a pillow case from the same movie with jack and will I>E> Orlando bloom and johnny depp (HOTTNESS!!!!) well then i gave him the ps2 which he is really happy with.. well back to today. I am basically returning almost all my xmas gifts bc i cant use them.. i already have them or have no purpose for them.. i wish for once my mom would LISTEN to me... what i needed was gift cards for CLOTHING... its not like i have alot of it you know.. and the worst part is she knows this.. so why is she going to buy me braclets, earrings, 2 moshi pillows, and a walkman? (i already have the walkman and the moshi pillows so i dont need double what i have...) plus i dont where tht type of stuff if u are going to buy me stuff like that make sure im going to use it.. plus another bad part is that everything is from stores i cant shop in... like i dont get clothing from delias(hello! im not petite or rather thin i know im fat..) so if i cant get money back im screwed... plus my bratty sis doesnt help much.. she shops at those stores like deb and wet seal cuz she can fit into their stuff.. well i asked her if i get like store credit or something can i trade it to her for real money and she was like no! im like come on u know ur gonna be shopping there anywayz so whts the bigg deal? her thing was she just wanted to piss me off.. so yea the only thing im keeping from my xmas gifts is the new U2 cd and the jacket i got.. great xmas..not! is it sad tht the best gifts i got where from sean bc he actually listens to me and knows what i like...plus it didnt help that my mom was depressed again and my stepdad was an ass.. they started fighting and when i tried to stop them, i again got into trouble.. well i was literally like fuck! this.. i left to spend the rest of my xmas with my aunt yvonne, cuzin dj and jodilynn, and my nan even came over.. well we had a nice turkey dinner and the kids really liked my gifts so it was cool.. so the day ended up ok with the exception of one thing...

my nan showed me a pick of my new bro... benjamin douglas new nov. 22, 2004... well is it sad that the pic she got was from my uncle dave bc he got it in a card from my dad, but my dad was an ass by not sending his own mother a picture of his new grandson? my dad sent the pic to my uncle for 2 reason... #1- to torture my nan, bc he knew my uncle would show his mom the picture (instead my uncle gave the orginal pic to my nan and made a copy bc it should have been her's in the first place) and #2- so tht my dad can try to get on good grounds with my uncle so he will babysit... well the holidays was ok this year no major fights but still miss the kids deeply! :_~( my xmas spirit died with them and my grandmom.. well g2g ttul...
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blah [Dec. 25th, 2004|08:42 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |boredugh!]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |U2-"Vertigo`"]

its be4 nine this morning and i tried.. i really did but its still just a normal bad xmas! ill give updates soon 2 early to type much!... I'D JUST LIKE 2 SAY THANK YOU SEAN 4 making today a lil bit bearable! ur the only good thing 2 day! lots o' luv... updates later!
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(no subject) [Dec. 18th, 2004|12:54 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |contemplativeroller coasting]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |papa roach~"getting away with murder"]

ok here's the update its pretty simple..

~ Sunday- Me, sean, and kaila all went to dinner @ fridays...i was kinda mad at sean..actually 1/3 upset that he didnt want to go to the x-mas eve dinner, 1/3 confused bc be4 we went to fridays he had asked me about the x-mas thing and i was basically like shut up and y do u care. and the other 1/3 mad was because if it wasnt for kaila we probably wouldnt be going to dinner. i had asked sean what he was doing that day and he was like oh just home work i was like koolz do u have alot left? he was like not really just got to find somthing to do tonight... (on sat he told me we would chill on sun so i tht we would...)so i asked him if he wanted to hang that night.. he was like maybe.. i was like its 430 jsut give me a yes or no... he was like ok no! i was like :~( ok ill be going now and hung up the phone.. bc i felt hurt tht tomorrow (tht monday) was our 2months and hed rather stay home then do something with me. boy i felt special..not!

so i then was talking to kaila a lil bit after that bc she was bored so i was going to say screw sean n just chill with her and when she answered she was like whts wrong.. i was like im mad @ sean bc he doesnt feel like hanging w/ me anymore.. she was like can i call u back in 15 mins i got to go call him i was like ok.. so i called her like a half hr later and she was like im still on the phone with him and he islike he has alot of hw.. i was likebull he told me he didnt and he was going to find something to do but apperently he wasnt in the mood to see me.. she was like ill call u right bak we are allmost done. so she called me bak and she was like he wants u to call him..i was like no hes the one who hurt me if he wants to talk he can call me .. well he ended up imming me...and we decided to go to fridays and he was like do u want just me or ... i was like who do u want to come along. he was like kaila is bored out of her mind.. i was like of course! he was like aw crap im going to kik myself for this... well another side note is i wore the plaid skirt to dinner.. stupid thing to do oh well..

well we went and it was ok.. i dunno why but i tried to stay mad at sean,but u kno how tht goes... suprisingly it did last the dinner but then when it was close to leaving i was like what is everyone doing after this. they were like i dunno.. kaila was like i'll probably go home.. i was like i kno..im going to bring u home and then go watch blade 3... well no response from sean so i was like great he really doesnt want to see me.. but then me and kaila had the gurl talk in the bathroom and then when we got back i was like well i guess this is good night sean but we were still waiting on the check.. then it came and i tried to pay formyself but sean wouldnt allow it :~) then finally he was like u want me to go to the movies with you.. i was like only if u want to i kno u've seen it already.. he was like nah its cool ill go!:~D so tht got rid of my bad mood:~)

yea so we dropped kaila off after we parked my car @ the movies. so on the ride bak to the movies, sean brought up the xmas dinenr and he was all like well what if my plans got cancelled and i could go? i just replied with what changed ur mind and u said u didnt want to go not tht u had plans.. well he was like nothing really changed my mind just tht my family isnt doing anything.. iwas like oh but u told me u just didnt want to go on fri. but if u had said u had plans i wouldnt have been upset.. he was like opps my bad... so yea now he is going.. and also with the skirt thing they both said i looked nice even though i still felt fat and kaila yelled @ me for it. lol.. but sean was sensitive that night which made me happy!

2 reasons y...1~ he said you really do look nice in that skirt and you could where them more... 2~ i was talking about his Xmas gift, and he was like yea kaila says im going to bow to u when i open it and she (kaila) better not be getting my hopes up (bc apperently he gets high hopes and then gets dissapointed) i looked him in the eye and was like its from me would i be a dissapointment(stupid thing to do cuz he could easily crush me with his reply) he simply said no... you could never dissapoint me :~D:~D:~D that made my night.. those 2 things really helped alot of my thoughts bc like i've said before the more he opens up the more i might be the happiest gurl alive.. all i really want from him is to hear and know that he cares and not get material things from him..

here's a new update.. for today friday dec. 17th, sean came with me to my aunt Yvonne's house! so he got to me my crazi! kik ass aunt and cuzs. it was cool he was like semi- wrestling w/ dj and unfortunately jodilynn call him a beast. lol. it was bc she had out the beauty and the beast movie and told me i was belle and he was the beast.. he was ok but he kept saying to me i cant believe she called me a beast! lo. but them my aunt hooked up the air hockey table and we played that.. it was kool cuz he seemed to enjoy his self at tht point..

~well there is one last update about tonight... do not pull into a park @ night... cops dont like that. LOL... never again!~
L8R <3ya~!
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(no subject) [Dec. 16th, 2004|09:02 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |ditzyheavenly]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |David Bowie~"As the world falls down"]

thank you fred, matt, kaila, n krissie. It was weird on sun, sean actually was the one to bring up the xmas eve dinner and now he's going! YAY!!! well ill update more later just wanted to thank you all:~)
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(no subject) [Dec. 11th, 2004|12:46 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |worriedjust shoot me]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |Red Hot Chili Peppers~"Under the bridge"]

i was in a good mood earlier cuz i got to see sean, but i knew i was going to ruin it thts y i waited till he was going to leave. I asked him for his answer about going to the x-mas eve dinner at my uncle's house and he said no because he just didnt want to. so i was all like o ok and he's like whats wrong.. i was like nothing and he was like liar, but i wasnt going to tell him...

so i thought this xmas would be just alil bit different. i really wanted sean to go, it would mean the world to me, but i dont want to tell him that bc i would never want him to do something he doesnt want to do. so thts why i couldnt tell him that... or tht my xmas has not been happy in over five years, and this was one chance to make it happy. my family promised to get along if he showed up so we dont look like such a disgruntled family. oh well, i guess its selfish of me to want that.

on other news like i said i did get to hang with sean and i did have a blast we sat in my living room watching the cronicles of riddick which we rented. my sis was still annoying but we dropped her off at the play and then we watched the movie. it was fun though getting to lie there in his arms happy.. no parents around to yell at me for being a screw up, no dad wishing i was never born, no family who when together i feel like im at a WWE match only worse. It was just him, me, the movie, and cuddling. i was in total happiness untill my parents came home and he left n then the talk which once he left i cried.. i didnt want to do it infront of him.. my mom saw me n thought he broke up with me. i was like NO! if he did tht i dunno wht i'd do.. she was likeo then let me guess hes not going to the dinner.. i was like nope.. she was like hunni it will be ok. give him time maybe the next dinner... i was like mom i dont kno how much longer i can put up with the pain of our family it is killing me... so then i started crying again n my mom pulled me into a hug till i stopped. then i had to go pick up my sis from the play and i called sean while waiting 4 my sis. i called him to tell him i was sorry for how i acted and he was like ok. i feel bad now alil bit bc of my childish actions just be4 he left. I dunno i'll see wht happens now...

i was happy when i talked to patti and then kaila later on. plus, it brought up some things i talked to katie about before i was going to take there advice and i still will if i everything is ok with me and sean. oh well again we'll see wht happens...
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(no subject) [Dec. 11th, 2004|12:39 am]
Closed Eyes
One on One
Green Grass
Take the Quiz and build your portrait!
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ESSAY COMMENTS...HELP PLZ!!! [Dec. 2nd, 2004|04:43 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |stressedessays]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |crossfade~"cold"]

Heyy im asking everyone from Ga for their help right now. I have to write a huge paper/essay for my Freshmen seminar class's final. It is a paper about how people in my life from work, to friends, to family, and floor gurls, all how they view me and my personality. I need Ur views on anything and everything about me and how i can/should change those things. I need major critism good or bad it doesnt matter just truthful comments so i can pass this class. I need a really good grade like at least a b on this essay or i might possibly fail the class.

*ur views can be views on my character: sweet, nice, too nice, friendly, annoying, mean, irritating, etc. I just need those views.

*you can say how u know me or how my character is at work or how it is from hanging out. U can say how i might do a bad job at work, u can call me a blonde, an idiot or u could say im smart, im ok but immature, or Whatever u think best fits how u feel about me.

*U can say how i need to work on stuff like may concentration at work, getting priorities straight, how i dont have to change or that i need more self confidence.

Let me repeat:I dont care wht u say i just need u all to say it. I will need this for my essay and i will have to print it out so plz just plz give me any advice/ comments so i can put my paper together
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(no subject) [Dec. 1st, 2004|01:15 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |boredblah..]

just updating a small thing with one of my friends. He had just been asking if i still had a bf and i told him yes, but it looks prosperious(sp?) for one of my friends tht i might hook him up with. not sure right now though its all in the thought process.

Footballcadet: just as long as u 2 are happy
naivegrl4yrs: thanks i am happy with him he's a nice guy im still a lil suprised it happened w/ us
Footballcadet: cool
naivegrl4yrs: yea
naivegrl4yrs: hows ur search going?
Footballcadet: not so good
naivegrl4yrs: aw im sry
Footballcadet: it is cool
naivegrl4yrs: yea cool
Footballcadet: do u have any single friends
naivegrl4yrs: yea
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(no subject) [Nov. 27th, 2004|11:00 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |goodheavenly]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |Julie Roberts~"the Chance"]

yea time for a true update in all the meanings of the word. well, i got to see sean on fri. and today for my b-day! He has made up for the whole bowling thing by surplus major. he took me to return b-day gifts, we cuddled together to watch movies, he helped move a few boxes for my mom @ work, we just chilled and talked alot both days and also on today he took me to the movies to see national treasure!!really good recommend to anyone it roxs!!! then one of my favorite resturants ~Panera (bread). really good i recommend the iced green tea drink.. then again just chilled at my house. well he has again shown me tht he does care and i have forgiven and forgotten wht had happened at the bowling alley....wait wht was it again damn... oh well. lol no not really.....anywayz gonna put up a song tht has been stuck in my head..

Julie Roberts~"The Chance"

found a book that my mama kept
Filled with secrets she hid
And in a dusty old attic, one mornin’ I read
About a woman I never met
Who had dreams like mine
With every page I turned, the words came alive
Wish I could roll out of town like a run-away train
I’ll do as I dare, let them call me insane
I’ll never sit on the sidelines of life, I’ll dance every dance
If I just had the chance
A tear fell on that faded page
‘Cause this was somebody else
Not the mama I knew who never thought of herself
But the times, they were different then
And lines just didn’t get crossed
And these words that she wrote, they somehow got lost
Wish I could roll out of town like a run-away train
I’ll do as I dare, let them call me insane
I’ll never sit on the sidelines of life, I’ll dance every dance
If I just had the chance
The chance that she never had
Is now the gift that is mine
And our here on this road, I’m makin’ up for lost time
Yeah, I am my mother’s child
As I roll out of town like a run-away train
I’ll do as I dare, let them call me insane
I’ll never sit on the sidelines of life, I’ll dance every dance
While I still have the chance
I’ll never sit on the sidelines of life, I’ll dance every dance
While I still have the chance
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(no subject) [Nov. 25th, 2004|10:38 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |depresseddepressed]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |crossfade-cold]

lets see.....

hm.. a bunch of us planed to go bowling last night and we did, but it would have been better for me if i hadnt gotten that phone call last night be4 bowling. I found out that im a sister again. Yep donna,the bitch, had another kid. This was from my grandmom who wasnt even told. My dad had the nerve to not tell his own mom tht she was a grandmom again. So i called the house bc we didnt even know the kid's name. well donna answered and was like bob its your daughter on the phone. And he said how can it be, caitlin wouldnt be calling she lives here. Ouch that hurts... and she was like um its nichole. and he had the stupid oh fine coming reply. so he got on and said what do you want? i was like just to say congrads i heard donna had a new baby boy and he said yea so? what do u want? i was like i was wondering wht his name is cuz i dont know it. oh, its Benjamin Douglas, and is that it? i was like yes ok ill be going. he was like yep go to hell and dont call again..then he hung up.
Great 2nd time in 2 yrs. to hear that from him.. god dont u just love fathers, great way to ruin the holidays for me and also my b-day? oh well another kid who will not know me till i finally take my dad to court...dont know when that will be though. Yea so bowling was ok i was pretty bummed out bc of my dad and all. Like im now the oldest out of 8! damn 7 siblings thats alot. Well bak to bowling, i was bummed out and sean could see that as could pretty much everyone else, and there was 15 in the group. dont feel like naming ppl but if you see seans w.page theres a pic of us on it. Well, the point with sean is that he pretty much ignored me the whole night i think i got like 4 words the whole night. hi (after i was like ok so you cant even say hi to me all night..so he was like hi!) cheer up and bye thts about it. I tryed to tell him i wanted to talk to him, but i didnt even get a chance to say that. Actually all i really wanted was a hug and his normal fraze of its gonna be okay.. but nope not last night...plus what made it worse or like bug me a lil bit more was that other people noticed and where like are you and sean ok? and i was like yea as far as i know. they were like o ok, if you say so.. then talking to like kaila and someone else, i started to think that well our relationship really sucks because i was looking at the ppl we where bowling with and they where interacting/small pda (like arms over some1's shoulder or like sitting on some1's lap) and sean just ignores me. I started feeling like i really was the one in love in the relationship.
But then kaila brought up a good point that i realized which did help.. tht sean is the type who keeps his emotions inside and doesnt desplay them alot. I know this and i know tht he does care, cuz why would he drive like an hour almost every week to spend an entire day with me, or buying me the best early b-day gift that really means alot to me(the irish claudah ring...cant spell), or just like when im home or bored he comes to chill with me, and etc..to much to type. I know that he cares and i probably wouldnt have let it get to me about last night had it not been for my father... Another thing is that i got to talk to sean last night at like 12 and he did listen to me complain and cry and he was sympathetic to me which again shows he cares about me. well, that cheered me up a lil and i did get some sleep last night not much but some...
Yeah well, today is thanksgivings day and im still in a bum mood but its because of my dad and grandmom(god bless her up there...) not bc of sean bc i forgive him and ill see him on sat:) well, thats good for now with the updates.

2 more days to 19! i should be happy but why am i not???
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2004|01:08 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |curiousconfuziled]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |lonestar-mr. mom]

yea i havent updated in along time... well i got to meet sean's parents finally and i was very happy about it. his mom is sweet and he definately gets his sarcasism(spelling?) from his dad. but they are both kool and i think they like me 2. i know his mom does but i wont write y.

also, its one month 2day for me and sean and we went to the movies and he bought me my birthday gift and gave it to me as an early b-day gift. then we came bak and played some pool, he won bc i sux @ it. then he left and i went to help out at the vfw dinner for the families of soldiers ova seas. but of course it only lead to family problems with my stepdad and reprecutions(spelling?) for my mom..(basically i feel im gonna have a repeat of the summer soon during this winter.not good) then luckily sean called me and said " we're going bowling" he brought gerald, kaila, me, and kyle to go bowling. it was alot of fun.. alot of funny as shit moments with the boys and the dancing. it would be great if it could happen again, i just wasnt superly happy bc of the previous event @ home, but i tryed to be in a good mood and it really did help.  and god damn it gerald i almost one and it was like my highest score ever w/ bowling. i had 135 and gerald had 138. :~( oh well:~) it was still a blast..

here's just an im i had w/ a friend which also explains how ive been feeling lately...

naivegrl4yrs: koolz
naivegrl4yrs: todays been a good morning-afternoon but from 5-8 it was hell, then again it got a lil better. thanz 2 sean
KitterKatsMeow: why was it hell?
naivegrl4yrs: cuz 2day is sean and mine's 1month so we went out in the morning and he got me my early b-day gift, but then i got home parents started drinking, and huge ass fight w/ stepdad till he passed out then trying to cheer up mom, then finally sean called which got me out of the house and it brightened me up alil bit
KitterKatsMeow: awww too cute.... :-)
naivegrl4yrs: yea im totally head over heels for him n he knows it, but he has one lil flaw that im trying to get him 2 work on
KitterKatsMeow: whats that?
naivegrl4yrs: his "joking" habit of making lil comments like when hes over, "shh..go to sleep.. then he like does the fake quick run! " like trying 2 run away type thing. just lil comments similar 2 that where it makes me feel like the fine go away depresed sad. i dunno its hard to explain in typing
KitterKatsMeow: i know exactly what you are talking about
KitterKatsMeow: i have been there before
KitterKatsMeow is away at 12:39:46 AM.
naivegrl4yrs: i know hes joking and im trying to explain 2 him that it really hurts and he can see it cuz sometimes i like wanna cry.. ive had soo much like i guess the word close to what i mean is putdowns in my life from my own family and it hurts when he says them bc im really happy when im with him, suprisingly lately its mainly the only time im happy. when hes around me and like just puts his arm around me i feel like i have no problems, tht my life is perfect, no fights, just plain and simple bliss.. untill he makes a comment.. he is getting a lil bit better because i explained it very well to him like last wknd when he was visiting me @ college. i was crying and he was there comforting me and he seemed to finally understand my feelings. he hasnt really said much of those comments yet, and like the winter and summer are always my hard months w/ my family and he probably doesnt know it yet, but he is helping me with the lil things

Auto response from KitterKatsMeow: Be back in a few... nichole stay on and Fred I love u

KitterKatsMeow returned at 12:44:03 AM.
awww i know what u mean bye family problems and i am olny happy when i am with fred so i know where u are coming from... adn i am sure now that u have talked to sean he will be better about things he is an understanding guy
naivegrl4yrs: yea but i definately know its still a work in progress b/c i didnt get a chance to explain much to him.. its kinda hard to tell him like a major part of my past that deals with my family bc he hasnt ever dealt with anything similar to it. his parents are still happily married together and with the kids. he doesnt have the alcholic srgt. for a stepdad, or the suicidal mom, or even being in the process of sueing your own father for sibling visitation rights , etc. etc.
KitterKatsMeow: well that seems like a mess and i thought i had it bad
naivegrl4yrs: yea ive dealt with it my whole life it just repeats.. but i get thru it and prepare for the next round... and the college thing sort-of helps but sorta doesnt. bc i have literally no self esteem left from ex-guys, and the family comments.. that im not 2 outgoing and im actually shy or just not doing 2 much cuz it all a defensive plan. but the major guy problem i had was low-faith in myself with how a guy would like me. the whole looks thing bc trust me ive been hurt by everyway possible
KitterKatsMeow: o fred says dont take it personal that he isnt saying hi back jsut he is play ever quest
naivegrl4yrs: lol i figured that.
naivegrl4yrs: i guess i can sorta thank jess b/c shes the reason i had the crying talk with sean
KitterKatsMeow: yeah its understandable where ur coming from and i am sure sean understands
naivegrl4yrs: but yea to conclude the long thing i typed be4, when im with sean i feel soo much better bc he gives me nice lil compliments which actually kinda help my self-esteem but it also adds just a lil fear b/c he makes the lil comments like who are u or wait we are dating thats news to me,  or what typed be4 it hurts bc its like a reality check. since if he happens to up and leave me, i lose everything. the sweet caring guy who makes me feel like im walking around in like a single digit  outfit that fits and not my like size 14/15 clothing i wear. i lose the the comforting hugs whn im upset,  or just the "it'll be okay" whn i get done with the fights with my parents and feel like a total screw up or i might lose my mom- that lil phrase makes me feel like it never happened and that it actually will be ok
naivegrl4yrs: oh im probably gonna put this convo in my lj if u dont mind me using ur sn by doing that
KitterKatsMeow: thats ok.... i feel like giveing you a hug right now because i know how u feel or atleast i kinda do because i have been through some of that stuff in diffrent synarios but i know where you are coming from.
KitterKatsMeow: Sean is a good guy but he's the lucky one :-)
naivegrl4yrs:  thanz
KitterKatsMeow:  thats great!! and no problem

yea so i dont think i left anything out. so  TNU <3! (till next update)

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Dane Cook Vs. Reality [Oct. 28th, 2004|11:46 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |confusedconfuzziled]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |allister~"Fraggle Rock"]

all i have to say is "people come crawling out of the bushes...then that one night dreams come true you hear that SRRRRR---boom!....they go skipping to the accident...everyones having the same conversation. i was in my kitchen and i heard it so i came out. yea yea, i was in my kitchen and i heard itso i came out" that is soo true! it happened to me, when i had my accident. no one really lives near the park way entrance on rt. 539 south, but when i got into my accident like 20-30 ppl where out there be4 the cops came and there was like maybe 1 car on the road the intire time at like 8 at night on a sun. so where the fuck did they all come from???
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random boredom ish.. [Oct. 26th, 2004|01:57 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |contemplativecontemplative]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |nada]

A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed,


With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands

Dear Mom,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm
writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend
because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you
I've been finding real passion with John and
he is so nice-even with all his piercing, tattoos,
Beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and John said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.

John taught me that marijuana doesn't really
hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I
know how to take care of myself. Some day I'm sure
we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your daughter,

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over
at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you
that there are worse things in life than my report
card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you!
Call when it is safe for me to come home.

>Hopefully this will bring a smile to your face
> >
> >Take Hold of Every Moment
> >
> >A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer
> and picked up a silk
> >paper wrapped package:
> >
> >"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."
> >
> >He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk
> paper and the box.
> >
> >"She got this the first time we went to New York, 8
> or 9 years ago. She has
> >never put it on. Was saving it for a special
> occasion.
> >Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and
> placed the gift box next
> >to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral
> house, his wife had
> >just died. He turned to me and said:
> >
> >
> >
> >"Never save something for a special occasion. Every
> day in your life is a
> >special occasion".
> >
> >I still think those words changed my life.
> >
> >
> >
> >Now I read more and clean less.
> >
> >
> >
> >I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
> >
> > I spend more time with my family, and less at
> work.
> >
> >
> >I understood that life should be a source of
> experience to be lived up to,
> >not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I
> use crystal glasses
> >every day. I'll wear new clothes to go to the
> supermarket, if i feel like
> >it.
> >
> >
> >
> >I don't save my special perfume for special
> occasions, I use it whenever I
> >want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..."
> are fading away from my
> >dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or
> doing, I want to see, listen
> >or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife
> would have done if she
> >knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this
> nobody can tell. I think
> >she might have called her relatives and closest
> friends.
> >She might call old friends to make peace over past
> quarrels. I'd like to
> >think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite
> food. It's these small
> >things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my
> time had come.
> >
> >
> >I would regret it, because I would no longer see
> the friends I would meet,
> >letters... letters that i wanted to write
> >
> >"One of this days".
> >
> >
> >I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say
> to my brothers and sons,
> >not times enough at least, how much
> >
> >I love them.
> >
> >
> >Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything
> that could bring
> >laughter and joy into our lives..
> >And, on each morning, I say to myself that this
> could be a special day..
> >
> >
> >Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
> >
> >If you got this, it's because someone cares for you
> and because, probably,
> >there's someone you care about.
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boredom [Oct. 22nd, 2004|03:49 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |ditzyblondie]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |kill bill vol. 1 credits]

A Film About You
by couplandesque
Your Name
Film TitleOperation Impending Doom II
Who Plays YouEwan McGregor
Who Co-StarsJohn Cusack
CategoryTeen Movie
Quiz created with MemeGen!

i just mainly liked the movie title...

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...mysterious
Your hugs are...gentle
Your eyes...twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...the only thing I desire
Your smell is...exotic
Your smile is...encouraging
Your love is...one of a kind
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates aten!
your best quality isyoure pretty inside and out
your worst quality isWell, nothing I can think of
this is becauseits genetic
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Homicidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:Napalm
Your Favorite Target:Tourists
Your Kill Count:853,335,899
Your Battle Cry:"Moo!"
Years You Spend in Jail:27
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:$301,616,221,431,457
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 37%
Quiz created with MemeGen!

YEA!!! sadly thats so me if i went insane. lol
Who is in your celebrity family? by cerulean_dreams
User Name
MomIdina Menzel
DadSteve Irwin
BrotherNorebert Leo Butz
SisterBritney Spears
BoyfriendAshton Kutcher
Best friendJohnny Depp
Quiz created with MemeGen!

ALTHOUGH i would like to switch the boyfriend and best friend ppl. my sis is kind of like brittany spears only be4 brit. went slutty...
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2004|04:48 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |ditzyditzy]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |tim McGraw~"Live Like You Where Dying"]

id just like to say...

Happy Birthday to Shawn and Bobby!!!

bobby i miss you and all my siblings at my dads house. i will see you all someday again. i promised them this and i will stay true to it.


"I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'


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yea... [Oct. 20th, 2004|10:41 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |thoughtfulreflective]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |Reba Mcintyre~"Somebody"]

so yea me and sean have been official for about a wk so far. Im really happy about it because he's a sweetheart to me, excluding the sarcastic moments he has. He visits me at college pretty much every other week and i talk to him on the phone almost every night. i wish i could see him more but for now i like everything the way it is. here's wishing us luck! :~) i really want this to last.

Now for the bad news, so i was all set to be working again at great adventure for the next 2 weekends but fate had a different idea for me. I was driving down rt. 539 s. getting to the parkway when a deer crossed my path. i hit the deer and swerved off road unfortunately into a tellephone poll. I luckily am ok with just a few bruises and really sore, my car however is another story. Its done, finished. I got all my stuff out of it on monday thanz to rachel and now i am carless and i was supposed to start that new job down here, but i dunno now b/c i might not be able to get 2 and from it. well we will see what happens...

"like i said before life moves pretty fast if you dont stop and look around you might miss it."~Ferris Bueller's Day Off, it was on while i was typing this and i liked that quote from him it has caught my attention fairly well. I have had alot of time to think since the accident and i see how my life has been. it is getting better and i hope it continues to get that way. Like for instance my dad. If you know the situation im in b/c of my stepmom then you will know this is to be a major shock.. but i called the house to wish caitlin happy birthday on sept. 28th, and my dad actually let me talk to caitlin instead of just hanging up on me:~) yay! oh and i have to do that tomorrow night b/c its bobby's b-day! maybe ill get to wish bobby happy b-day! well going to bed now ttyl
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reba mcintyre [Oct. 13th, 2004|02:17 pm]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |ditzyditzy]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |reba mcintyre~"somebody"]

Reba mcintyre ~"Somebody"

At a diner down on Broadway they make small talk
When she brings his eggs and fills his coffee cup
He jokes about his love life
And tells her he's about ready to give up

That's when she says "I've been there before
But keep on lookin'
Cause maybe who you're lookin' for is

Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the mornin' train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at but never really see
Somewhere out there is somebody"

Across town in a crowded elevator
He can't forget the things that waitress said
He usually reads the paper
But today he reads a strangers face instead

It's that blue eyed girl
From two floors up
Maybe she's the one
Maybe he could fall in love with

Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the mornin' train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at but never really see
Somewhere out there is somebody

Now they laugh about the moment that it happened
A moment they both missed until that day
When he saw his future in her eyes
Instead of just another friendly face

And he wonders why he searched so long
When she was always there
At that diner waitin' on

Somebody in the next car
Somebody on the mornin' train
Somebody in the coffee shop
That you walk right by everyday
Somebody that you look at
But never really see
Somewhere out there
Oh, somewhere out there
Is somebody.


this song really hit home when i watched the music video and i really do like the song right now. is it also sad that i still love my heavy rock music but ive become used to listening to country.. i dunno but it actually is very pleasing at some points. and maybe its christi's bc she was the gurl on our floor who loves country and it kind of rubbed off on me. oh well:~) o also, i got a BF finally, i hope it lasts this time bc hes definately different then most or actually any guy ive ever dated..:~):~):~)nothing much more to update ttyl...
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Thanz user unluckystar_ (plze fill out :~/ ) [Oct. 8th, 2004|11:05 am]
[ah so tht's wht its called... |blahblah]
[Y is this stuck in my head? |niobe ~ "360"]

Wouldn't you just love to fill this out for me?
o name:
o age:
o where on earth do you live:
o reason behind your LJ username:
o five things you want to do/accomplish before you die:
o what makes you happy:
o what have you been listening to lately:
o do you enjoy reading my LJ:
o if so, why:
o interesting fact about you:
o are you in love at the moment:
o favourite destination:
o favourite quote:
o will you post this in your LJ:

o a movie (that amazes you - a beautiful movie):
o a book (that inspires you, and one you couldn't put down):
o a musical artist, song, or album:
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